cynicalisbest

Because jazz hands make everything better...

  • About this hopefully highly cynical blog

I honestly have nothing else to blog about…

Posted by A Cynical Me on February 16, 2012
Posted in: I don't even know what to call this, When I review (complain about) stuff. Tagged: Cool, I am number four, Jazz hands, lazy day, Mogadorians, Movies, Napping, Pittacus Lore, Sci-Fy, Television, Tron Legacy. Leave a Comment

Today I’m being lazy. I have decided, and it’s too late to change my mind.

My schedule for today.

10:30  ~  Get up

11:00  ~  Troop downstairs, still in my pyjamas, and proceed with lying on the couch.

12:00  ~  Tell mother, who is going to a funeral ”Yeah you go ahead, I’ll be fine here. I’m watching TV, WHAT CAN HAPPEN??”

15:00  ~  Movie number two finishes. I get up off the couch.

16:00  ~  Start typing.

17:00  ~ Probably back to the couch. Maybe a nap or something.

19:00  ~  Definetely a nap.

23:00  ~  Get annoyed whan I can’t fall asleep, because I’ve done nothing but slump all day.

Sounds like a rave doesn’t it? But in my defence, I think I’m allowed one lazy day. Right? I mean I’ve been (kind of) studying non-stop (ish) for a month of two. I deserve a break! I deserve a rest! I deserve to stay on the couch for three of four hours, watching questionable sci-fy movies!

There was a very creepy scene, when he was scaring a little boy in a car, but I can't seem to find a picture...

Well, actually they weren’t that questionable. “I am number four”, which is based on the book by Pittacus Lore, and “Tron Legacy”, which was just plain bad. I actually got pretty annoyed though, because “I am number four” was very different to the book. I mean very different. Though the main Mogadorian, was very creepy. There’s something about obviously fake cheerfulness that freaks me out.

 
I won’t reveal the ending of the film, but I must say, I like that “six” character. She seems pretty cool.
*I can’t believe I just used the word “cool” in a post. Now my worst suspicions have been confirmed, and I sound like a nine-year-old, writing a story.
Sorry about that!
That’s about it for now, so until next time just remember:
If you ever need to scare me, you can try some fake cheerfulness, but I will probably fight you off with my jazz hands.

I’m dead…

Posted by A Cynical Me on February 14, 2012
Posted in: I don't even know what to call this. Tagged: Dead, Ghosts, green, Jazz hands, Kick, mocks, Sport, Swimming. 2 comments

Yes you read that right. I’m dead. I am writing (typing?) this in ghost form. I have passed on, kicked the bucket, dropped off the mortal coil, and anything else you want to call it.

Why?

Yesterday, I went swimming for the first time in three weeks.

You might not think this statement has any significance, but it does. Trust me.

I am a swimmer. I swim. I swim a lot. We’re talking 12/13 hours a week, plus gym (which is compulsory). You may not think so, but swimming is very hard. It’s a lot more difficult than most sports.

So yesterday I went back to swimming after my mocks. Personally, I wouldn’t have minded going over the mocks, but my mother put her foot down. So that meant that yesterday, I was back in the pool, with people who have been swimming for the past three weeks.

 

Oh and of course, on my first day back, my coach decides to give us what is possibly the hardest set there is. 20 minutes kick for distance. You don’t know what that is? I envy you. 20 minutes kick is the most tortuous set in existence. Basically, you kick for 20 minutes, and see how far you get. That’s not too bad? It is. You don’t just kick for 20 minutes, no. You kick your heart out for 20 minutes. You kick your heart out while being screamed at by your coach. And if you don’t beat your previous distance, and you don’t have a valid excuse, you get back in and do it again. While everyone else watches. Oh, and for the record, not swimming for three weeks, is not a valid excuse. Luckily, I managed to beat my previous distance by about 10 metres. To directly quote my coach, “It wasn’t good, but it wasn’t bad”. From her, that is a rare compliment.

I apologise for the short post, but as I’ve previously mentioned, I’m dead. My ghostly fingers are having trouble typing, so I’m going to finish up now.

So until next time just remember:

I want everyone to wear green at my funeral, and Jazz hands will be mandatory.

Turning Fanatic…

Posted by A Cynical Me on February 12, 2012
Posted in: When I review (complain about) stuff, I don't even know what to call this. Tagged: Alex Scarrow, Amazon, Being Fanatical, bestseller, Books, Casting Dorectors, Catching Fore, Department 19, euros, Gates of Rome, Harry Potter, Headshots, Hype, Hypocrite, Jazz hands, Johanna Mason, millions, Mockingjay, Movies, Obsessive behaviour, Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games, Timeriders, Will Hill, YouTube. 2 comments

I am officially a hypocrite. Well, kind of…

Why am I a hypocrite?

Well my mocks are finished (Whoop!) and I am officially in reading mode. On Friday night, I read the latest Timeriders book, “Gates of Rome”, by Alex Scarrow, and I started rereading (for the third time) the first Hunger Games book, by Suzanne Collins. Yesterday, I finished “The Hunger Games”, and also read “Catching Fire” and “Mockingjay”, the second and third Hunger games books, also by Suzanne Collins. Today, I started reading Department 19, by Will Hill.

So why is this hypocritical?

 Because I am now vaguely obsessed with the Hunger Games.

As many of you probably know, The Hunger Games movie, is coming out on the 23rd of March. I have a countdown calendar made. This morning, I wasted the end of my Christmas Amazon vouchers, ordering the companion guides to the series. I spent the morning on YouTube, watching the trailers, and interviews with the cast. I even (don’t judge me!) considered applying for a part in the second movie, which led to looking up casting directors and headshots. Then I came to my senses.

This is really worrying to me, as in a previous post, I slated my friend for being obsessed with one of the actors in the film. While I’m not quite obsessed with any of the cast yet, at this rate, it can’t be long.

But it’s not that I’m obsessed in a bad way. I just want to make sure that the films do justice to the books. It would kill me, and probably many others, of the films were a let down, or didn’t live up to the books, or the hype. Because there is a lot of hype.

In fact, it would be almost impossible for them to be as good as everyone’s saying they will be. It will probably turn out to be like the Harry Potter movies, no matter how good they turn out to be, everyone will complain anyway, and say they’re an insult to the books.

What I’m saying is, I don’t want the books to be tainted, because of a bad movie. I don’t want to be reading the books, and suddenly start imagining the actors/actresses. I want the books to be my experience, to be my images, because the books belong to the readers. To the reader’s imagination. It’s for the readers to decide what the books look like, what the characters look like, and that shouldn’t be taken away.

For instance, my favourite character in the books, is Johanna Mason. She’s not in the first movie (I think), well she wasn’t in the first book, just mentioned. But she is in the second and third. And I swear, if whoever plays her in the movies, doesn’t do her justice, I will write a strongly worded post about it, and maybe write a letter. Yes that’s right, I’ll be that angry!

So I’m saying this now, if I ever write a bestseller, that earns me millions of millions of euros, there probably won’t be a movie. I’m sorry, but it’s my decision. If (when) I am actually in this situation, I can guarantee this post will come back to haunt me. Because I will be in this situation. I will. I will…

So I’m going to take a lie down now, and wait for this fit of fanaticalniss (spell check tells me that’s not a word, but I’m using it anyway) to wear off.

So until next time just remember:

I am officially a hypocrite, and Jazz hands make everything better.

The first bookish post…

Posted by A Cynical Me on February 8, 2012
Posted in: When I review (complain about) stuff. Tagged: Books, Charlie Higson, Conor Kostick, Cynical, Epic, Eyebrows up, Jazz hands, Kindle, mocks, Quiz, Reading, The Fear, The Gaeltacht, Zombies. 2 comments

That’s right, books. When I started this blog, I had intended to post a good bit about books. Yet even the most well-meaning promises fail, so here we are a month and a half into the blog, and this is the first bookish post.

The main reason for this lack of bookish posts is my mocks. I haven’t been able to read a book for about a month, because I’ve had  to study. I was dying on the inside. But last night, when my parents and my brother left me to attend a quiz, I cracked. I couldn’t take it anymore! Reading is a HUGE part of my life, and I can’t go a month without reading. Even when I was at the Gaeltacht I couldn’t leave my books behind. I brought my kindle, and read it at night with a torch. For those of you who don’t know, the Gaeltacht is an Irish-speaking college, where English (the language) is forbidden. Basically it’s like a sleep away summer camp, where you have to speak and read Irish all the time. Total immersion or something like that. It helps you learn Irish.

But back to the books.

So yeah I cracked. I couldn’t not read anymore.

So I read. I stayed up half the night, and I read. I finished two books.

  1. “The Fear” by Charlie Higson.
  2. “Epic” by Conor Kostick.

“The Fear” was excellent, but I have a bone to pick with Charlie Higson. I won’t say who, but throughout the entire book, this was one of the main characters, and the reader (me) got very attached to this character. Then Higson thought it would be great to kill that character.

"The Fear" by Charlie Higson. Jacket image.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not an idiot. I know it’s a zombie book, and obviously there are going to be a fair few deaths. But this character? Really? Was that really necessary? I know I probably sound a tad bit rambly (if that is a word) right now, but I’m really annoyed at this! But it’s not just this character! No it is not. Higson does this all the time, kills off characters, that he’s just spent the last three hundred pages getting you attached to! Okay, rant over. 

But all in all, it was a very good book. It’s the third in the series. When I was reading it, I (for some reason) had it in my head that the series was a trilogy, so I was rushing trying to find out what happened at the end. In fact that was probably the only reason why I started reading, I wanted to find out what happens in the end. Do the kids survive? Do the grown-ups take over? Do they find the cure? Well if you care as much as I do (and boy do I care), you’re going to have to wait until the next book to find out. Or maybe there’s still more than one book left, I simply don’t know.

Okay, now that rant’s over too. Sorry about that, but I really do care.

So yeah, to summarise, it was an excellent book, and gets four out of five eyebrows up. Why eyebrows up? Because I’m pretty sure people do that when they’re being cynical. Please correct me if I’ve got that wrong.

The second book, “Epic” was not good. I finished it, but it wasn’t good. The storyline was too complicated, it was very hard to follow, and it kind of felt like Kostick forgot to add in a crucial plot element. There was just a bit too much going on. But that’s just my opinion. It’s been nominated for a TON of awards, so somebody obviously likes it. But with reference to a previous rant, I actually wouldn’t have minded if Kostick had killed of one of these main characters. They weren’t very developed, and they seemed rather two-dimensional.

All in all, not a very interesting read. I’m giving it two eyebrows up out of five.

 So that is the end of my first bookish post. What did you think?

So until next time just remember:

Don’t get too attached to characters who live in a zombie-infested London, and Jazz hands make everything better.

 

I’m probably the only one who thinks this is funny…

Posted by A Cynical Me on February 6, 2012
Posted in: I don't even know what to call this. Tagged: Add of the year, Adds, Darth Vader, Dogs, Jazz hands, Volkswagen. Leave a Comment

This post is going to be short. That I can assure you.

This is just something funny I saw the other day. You’ve probably seen the original, but the second version is less well-known.

Here’s the link for the first one.

And here’s the link for version two.

Hopefully I’m not the only one who thinks this is funny. But it was in the top five of “Add of the year”, so I’m probably not.
By posting this, I am in no way endorsing the Volkswagen brand.
Sorry for the short post, but studying takes priority. So until next time just remember:
That Dog is funnier than the Vader kid? Maybe? Well anyway, one thing we can all agree on is that Jazz hands make everything better.

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